To my terrible two,
I guess with age comes questions, an understanding of the world around you, learning even the smallest of things everyday.
Explaining to you whats going on with me now, is so much harder than it seems. Pops last night you were full of questions, all the whys and hows under the sun, but in all my trying, there really isn’t any answer that I can give to you that makes sense to either of us, but that’s okay.
All that matters is the here and now, we will deal with tomorrow when it comes.
One thing you have had to watch is the sadness that came with my online troubles. You watched as I cried and told Dad I just couldn’t take any more.
You heard me say I wanted to give up.
That it just hurts too much.
You adopted the Mother role and came to give me a cuddle, to tell me it will be okay. You shouldn’t have had to be the one that took that role, your four but still wiser than some adults I know.
For me that was the final straw, hearing my child tell me she won’t let “nasty betty” hurt me any more.
I should be the one standing strong for you.
It was the day I took the silent approach. I felt it was better to stop feeding the troll, ignorance is bliss after all.
But that brings me a new worry. As I choose to ignore it, I worry that teaches you not to speak out about bullies, to sit quietly and take it.
But that’s not what I want for either of you, I want you to stand tall and speak out. To name and shame and do all you can to stop the abuse. All the time I will hold your hand and be strong when you need me the most.
It is one thing I do not want you to follow.
Never suffer in silence, never be afraid to stand up for who you are and what is true.
I just didn’t know what else to do.
Love you, Mum xx
This post was inspired by one of the sessions at #blogfest