Having a disease like mine teaches you alot of things and also the people around you. You learn you have no choice but to ask for help and you learn how best to help yourself.
Let me explain…
With such a vile, debilitating condition, life constantly offers you the shitty hand, yeah its grim but its true. One day you wake up and you have to rely on others for help. I never thought at 23 I would need looking after, I am meant to be the one who does that. You go from living in your own little bubble to having to say “I need help” Or “I can’t”
I won’t lie, its damn soul destroying.
However you become accustomed to it and you learn to accept it and start trying to live again.
You learn how to put on a smile and act like everything is ‘normal’ You say “yes I am fine” when inside you feel like kicking them in the groin and asking them how they are now. You learn not to scowl when someone says you look ‘well’ You stop saying your tired when that’s all you want to say.
You find asking for help and giving in to your limitations gives you your own life back, albeit a different kind of life to before.
You also learn how to get the things you most need and want. Suddenly you tell the Doctor what you need, after all people who have MS know alot more about it than any GP.
You stop taking no for an answer and realise you now have to spend what little energy you have fighting and proving yourself to people who have no idea what having this disease means.
A year ago this month I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of 22, I was petrified and was right to feel that way. Like many other people who have this condition, I spend my days agreeing, telling and proving myself to others, all the time never really accepting what is going on inside.
A year on I still have a million and one questions and tomorrow, I start my attempt at fighting back.