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Its Okay To Break.

So this week has been pretty normal. Aside from Narla being spay and having to explain the whole concept to a four year old, but that is another post for another day.

I had my infusion again, told the nurse about my trouble remembering, thinking and having important conversations. Hoping the MRI I shall be having on the 15th will show the cause, if not, then maybe its time to think again on my infusion.

The week has also been packed with mega tiredness, I even managed to be in bed by 5 the other evening.

I had just had enough of everything,  so that along with being super tired pushed me to hide away for the evening.

Going to bed early and having lie-ins in the mornings might sound amazing, but mostly I just feel guilty.

Guilt and wanting my days back is not the best emotional combination.

So inside I have been secretly breaking.

I don’t think I can cry anymore, this year has seen far too many tears, so I have just got on with it quietly. I figure it’s the wrong time of year to be putting a downer on everything and everyone.

And besides, I am no stranger to feeling shite.

Kind of comes with the territory i’d say.

I guess sometimes I just get so tired trying to ‘be strong’ that it tends to just hit you at once. Like a big smack in the mush.

Anyway we are off to London again this weekend, so I will slap on a smile and get on with it until I return home.

Then it will be okay to break a tiny bit more.

 

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3 comments

  1. liska - November 29, 2013 10:12 pm

    I hope London revitalises your spirits in some way and sends you home stronger so that you don’t continue to break. So so many of us feeling less than ourselves at the moment.
    Things will get better though (at least astrologically) so there will be a bit of heaven sent help in that way, thanks be to God. Keep fighting the good fight x

    Reply
  2. Emma Day - November 30, 2013 6:12 am

    It IS okay to feel like that and you shouldn’t feel guilty. I hope you get the answer you’d like from the MRI. Big hugs. Xx

    Ps. Love the new blog design. X

    Reply

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