07
Mar

I Need To Find Myself….

I really need to do it, I need to change things and find myself.

My blog has given me and outlet, a place to reach other people like myself, a chance to help other young people with MS, its something I feel really strongly about, something I intend to carry on.

I have gone through life just wondering and not knowing, making stupid choices, working in a fudge shop and going up two whole dress sizes, working for a lingerie home party company, talking dildos and wearing thongs with piles (not myself I swear) 

Now I have found something I love, something I am good at.

My depression began around 4 years ago, not that I knew it. When you start facing it, its like walking into a dark tunnel, no light, just darkness. It all starts with taking that step, four years on I have taken many steps, however its a journey I will always be on. 

I will deal with it my way. I will cry and shout, I will have regrets and I will rely on the girls more than I should, but I will always try and do my best.

I have been going round deliberating the choices I have, although I hate them, I still have them and I think the reason I am unsure about which treatment is right is because, right now, I don’t want one.

Only a few weeks in and I am covered in bumps, lumps and bruises. I want to be my own control, I know that makes no sense, but I just want to find out who I am first.

I will never be okay with my disease, but I’m stuck with it, I need to face it before I can fight it.

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4 thoughts on “I Need To Find Myself….

  1. You are so not alone on that. Find supportive people onine and offline. So many of my friends had to take the stand against depression. It is one step at a time kind of a thing. good luck! Reaching your blog through social fabric and happy to learn about a new blog in our community

    1. Thank you, I am hopping over to yours! I am trying to find like minded people, also people close to me are great. Thank you x

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