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I Am Not Ready…

Time Is going so fast, to be honest I never gave passed the baby stage a second thought. Because whilst I was pregnant everyone was going on about how I was “having a baby” I never realised that really, I was having an actual person. 

She sure as hell has not stayed a baby forever.

Now she will soon be starting school and I am not ready.

Five days out of seven she will be somewhere else, not there for me to cuddle or to help me when I need it most, I am not ready.

I will no longer be her best friend, I am not ready.

She will have secrets, things she won’t tell me simply because she doesn’t want to and I am not ready.

I won’t be able to keep her with me because I need her, I am not ready.

There will be homework and school stuff to face, I am not ready.

She will learn all those things I never wanted her to learn, she will no longer see the world as a lovely, friendly place and I am not ready.

She will feel all sorts of emotions, from fear to happiness and I will not be there to share in each of these things, I won’t always be able to come in and save the day. I am not ready.

She will be able to tell me when I am wrong, because some other bloody person ‘said so’ and I have have no other choice but to admit defeat! I am not ready.

Most of all, she will see I am different, her Mum is not like the others and maybe that will make her sad or angry or even confused? Maybe she won’t want  people to know Mummy is different, maybe she will hide it? For this, I am really not ready.

I never truly gave school a second thought whilst I was pregnant or pushing the little madam out, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want her to go but I know she has to.

It’s just, I am not ready.

popnme

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6 comments

  1. Laura Mcintyre - May 5, 2013 5:59 pm

    Lovely post and it is what i wish i could write.

    My youngest is also starting school this year , my *baby* and i am more than a little heartbroken.

    I had my 3 children in just over 3 years and it was so intense and hardwork and i never saw the light at the end of the tunnel and now im sitting here wondering what happened ? I feel i blinked and the babies were gone.

    Now i have my girls (almost 8 and 6.5) both big school kids with friends and a life without me . 6.5 has her first boyfriend who she loves and kisses and plans to marry ( all in a very adorable kid way of course) and the have just..grown up…and im not ready for my baby to join them.

    The only thing i can say is them getting older …at times its not to bad. I *love* spending time with my kids , the girls are at wonderful ages to hang out with watching movies/chatting/going shopping , we sit and do puzzles together -they read ME stories – they offer to help clean while mummy does nothing.

    You are entering a new and totally scary time but it will bring some wonderful changes to so try and look forward to them just a little…

    Reply
    • Mummy - May 5, 2013 6:03 pm

      Thank you so much. It has made me think and also smile! I look forward to that, but I will so miss being that person in there life, they really do grow up way to fast xxx

      Reply
  2. carol asbury - May 5, 2013 7:13 pm

    you will never be ready for anything, they arrive and they grow in the blink of an eye, but we cope, we know that they have to grow and become the individual person that God made them to be, you will find the strength and the energy and all the love, that you need, to let them go along life’s path. xxx

    Reply
    • Mummy - May 6, 2013 8:08 pm

      Thank you. I just don’t want her to do it without me :( x

      Reply
  3. Baked Potato Mummy - May 6, 2013 7:42 am

    This really touched a nerve with me. I keep being told my baby, who is 1 this week but has been walking for a month, is actually a toddler now. I’m really not ready for him to not be a baby anymore, and its nothing to do with child proofing the house. I just don’t want to admit he’s growing up! xx

    Reply
    • Mummy - May 6, 2013 8:09 pm

      I am the same with my youngest,all we can do is treasure every day. I just hate that they grow up so fast :( x

      Reply

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