How To Grow The Perfect Penis?

I am going to ruin your day by admitting I have no idea about growing a perfect penis, in-fact I know nothing about growing penises.


No this is about the terror that is teaching our little creatures lovelies about the down below parts, something I always thought would be a thing we did later on, however it seems being little means you need to know everything, always. 

Now in this house we are very open, I try to encourage openness so the girls can feel like they can come to me with whatever, even poo-pants.

So I was thinking the other day, with Pop’s off to school in the very near future, what is acceptable? I mean they are my children, so I will let them use whatever names they feel comfortable with, to some it might not be “the norm”, but we are far from normal, so that’s okay. 

So instead of fluffy names, like foof and tinker, I gave it to her straight, vagina and penis.

I know, I am HIDEOUS!

Anyway, Pop’s didn’t like vagina, she chose to call it a button, which so far has been okay, however I see confusion in the short distance? She also decided penis is fine, although sometimes it can be called a tina.

She is comfortable and although she did freak out when I explained about bum cracks, she was terrified she had a crack and was broken. After I stopped laughing I explained and she kind of gets it. 

With no privacy comes too so many questions, explaining pubic hair and periods I am finding hard, I suggested perhaps not starring at mummy when she is on the toilet, or opening the door when I am having a shower (she has done this to guests whilst peeing, pooing and showering, I must fix the lock)

So here we are comfortable, I will let Beboo call them whatever she is comfortable with and I will always be there to talk to, in hope nothing is embarrassing.

I just hope this isn’t frowned upon in school?

What are your views on penis and vagina talk? Are you fluffy or are you to the point?

Do you shop and plop? 

Maybe I should curb my toilet humour? 

Picture source
Picture source


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6 thoughts on “How To Grow The Perfect Penis?

  1. My eldest and I had ‘the’ talk a couple of years ago the facts of it and I don’t really think she listened much but a few weeks ago they had sex education at school….All the kids came out horrified!! I thought I’d told her everything and was to the point but obviously not…lol Her first words to me were IM NOT USING TAMPONS when I’m older…hahaha!! We’ve spoken more since and she understands everything….I think it scares me I’m sure I didn’t know as much as she does when I was 10…lol

    1. I dont think I did either, but it seems to be in there faces all the time now! Haha bless her, to be fair they are scary!! 😛 I think being open and the fact she was able to walk out and say that to you was fab! x

  2. I’m with you on the names, we don’t teach him anything silly but if he chooses a different (silly!) name then so be it. We also try not to make a big deal out of anything relating to private parts or the toilet (we’d worry about giving him complexes if we did!), it’s all quite matter of fact. The insistence upon going to the loo with me seems to be wearing off – thank God!

    1. I am the same, I am so petrified of giving the girls a toilet complex I want it to be as normal as possible, if that means discussing it when she wishes then, I guess, so be it?!

  3. As a grandmother I am finding today’s approach refreshing in being open and honest with their children in regard to naming conventions for body parts and functions.

    When my own four were growing up we seemed to be forever tiptoeing round what words you shouldn’t use in front of your child. Watching my grandchildren today makes me think they are so much better adjusted and prepared for when they grow up.

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