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I Have Been Harbouring A Secret….

Okay so for the last couple of weeks or so,I have been hiding a secret.

I only told Hubby like two days ago, I am just so confused…

I am pregnant. 

HA Joke! 

Had you going there didn’t I?!

My real secret is that I am unsure whether I want to carry on with tysabri. It might not sound like a big deal, however for me it is.

I know I am lucky to have it however I am just not happy. I don’t like going to the hospital every month, I cannot take much more stabbing for cannulas and the frequent blood tests. I hate the fact that UTI’s are a side effect, like my bladder needs any more reasons to be shit. I feel like I am looking down on myself, like I am not in my own body, its weird and unnerving. 

I have other options.

I would like to try those other options before I commit to this.

No-one knows the long term effects tysabri has, or if it has a shelf life for patient usage.

Also part of me wonders what the point is. It is not going to make it go away, granted it helps. 

I am not yet use to the fact I have this forever, committing to this is confusing and driving me crazy.

I don’t need to be told what I need, I want to make a choice for me, after all its me that is living this.

I am confused and unsure. I am afraid. 

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