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Being Brought Back Down With A Bump

I have been happy, relaxed, although with horrendous brain fog, I have been okay.

But today I went for my yearly MRI scan, and it hit me. I still have MS and it is still never going away.

I wasn’t in the horridly narrow and horrendously noisy scanner to see if I was free of this, to get the all clear, I was in there to see what had been going on in my brain this year, just like I will every other year.

The scanner runs through different programmes to agitate different parts of the brain, to capture different angles. Its the last one  I can’t stand. The silent then blast, silent then blast crashing away in my ears, the cage round my face and all I cant think is “this is me” I was lucky enough to have Hubby holding my legs, but even with him there, I still felt so alone.

It’s moments like this that remind you what you’re facing. All those worries in the early days rush back and suddenly my head is now filled with moving thoughts, none of which are nice or comforting, they just made me more desperate to get out.

I think the whole scan procedure is by far the worst thing people with MS have to medically undergo every 12 months. Give me a lumbar puncture any day compared to that.

Its simply horrid.

Lonely and far too thought provoking for me.

The last thing I need is to be ‘alone with my thoughts’

I already know this is here to stay, I don’t need to be sharply reminded of it every 12 months.

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5 comments

  1. Emma - December 16, 2013 9:33 pm

    oh how awful – hospitals are never nice but mri’s are not fun. Hope you have a peaceful christmas

    Reply
  2. Katie @ AMotherThing - December 16, 2013 10:21 pm

    I can only imagine the strength it takes day to day to deal with this part of your life. And having to have it brought into sharp contrast once a year seems so dehumanizing. You are a truly inspirational person, and I genuinely am in awe of how well you cope. It puts into perspective whatever small woes I am dealing with.

    Thinking of you, lovely. xx

    Reply
  3. suzanne3childrenandit - December 16, 2013 11:01 pm

    Sorry to hear you had to go through this today Chelsea :( You always ‘appear’ to be coping so well with your MS. Hugs x

    Reply
  4. Ruth - December 20, 2013 6:29 am

    So sorry you had such a rough day. Rubbish! XXXX

    Reply
  5. Jo - December 31, 2013 2:50 pm

    Hope you had a lovely Christmas apart from your MRI scan :(

    Reply

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